Indiana Jones, Jp mix
by jpwriter
Summary: My first fanfic! I hope these ignorant, rude, and downright.. Uh, I mean wonderful people like this story.
1. Chapter 1

The absolute randomness and stupidity begins… Prepare to be confused. Confusion may cause possible death. TO THE STORY!

:…--…:

Indiana Jones woke up on his leather couch. It was 3:00 A.M. "Why the heck am I up so early…" Indy felt something cold on his head. He lifted his hand to his head…And found a glass of chocolate milk on his head. "Ok…Who put that there?" Indy gulped down the chocolate beverage and got off his couch. He walked over to his bedroom, Put his shirt on inside-out, put on his hat, threw on a jacket, grabbed the keys, and drove to the college with no pants on.

"Indy…" one of Indy's students said. "Yes?" Indy said back. "Your pants aren't on; you're in your underwear." "That is a detention for trying to play a prank on a-"Indy looked down and saw he _did_ have no pants on. He had underwear with hearts on it. He squealed and ran out of the classroom.

Meanwhile, in a dig site in Montana, Alan Grant woke up on his couch. It was 3:00 P.M; and he fell asleep two days before. He was still tired about this whole Jurassic Park thing. The phone started to ring. "Hello?" "Alo, _thees ees meester steengoolbooper." _"Huh?" Alan was confused. It was an odd Spanish accent. "Steengoolbooperr?" Alan questioned. "Yees, I am steengoolbooper." "I see." What do you need?" "I need you too come to my fligoojingleboper." "Your what!" asked Alan. "My fligoojinglebooper." "I'm confused as to what a fligoojinglebooper is…" "Just get on a plane and go to Isla Sorna." Said the now English-accented person. "Ok-Wait! Isla Sorna! No!" "Why not, Mate?" said the now Australian-accented person. "I almost died on that island." In the background Ellie began playing A slow, sad, and dramatic song. "Ellie! SHUT UP! I AM TALKING ON THE PHONE!" "I am not dis' Elllllllllieeeeeeee that you speak of." Said the now Spanish accented person. "Fine, I will go on the island. By the way, I know it's you, Hammond." "Ok, fine! Just get on the plane."

Back with Indy, someone called him, actually, it was Hammond, who Indy still thought was Bobathan Steengoolbooper. Indy and Alan met on the plane. They both glared at each others' hats, then, to their muscular chests, then down to their jeans, then down to their boots. They were envious. Indy snorted, Alan grunted. They went through this series of snorts and grunts until they both got slapped by Ellie. The plane took off without notice. They went to a small house. Alan then realized they were only flying three feet off the ground. "Ok…" Said Alan. Ian Malcom stepped into the plane. So did Lex, Tim, Kelly, and Arby.

Hammond was now convinced that he was Bobathan Steengoolbooper. So, he made sure everyone called him that. Also, Then Alan And Indy recognized a time difference. Indy-the 40's, Alan-the 90's. They informed the author of this, and he said: Who cares?


	2. Plane crashing and hyperventilation

A:N: Hello no-fans! I am back to continue! BWAHAHA!

The Jurassic Park theme music played while Indy sat confused. Alan was covering his ears. Lex, Tim, Kelly, and Arby all sat, bored. Hammond, or, err, Bobathan was jumping for joy. He was having a giggle fit. Hammond was knocked unconscious due to hyperventilation. They arrived at the island. The dinosaurs looked up. They remained looking. They did not move. They were still looking. Still looking. The plane flew into a tyrannosaur and ripped its head off. The tyrannosaur head was stuck on the front of the plane, blocking the pilot's view. They crashed. WEEEE! Bobathan screamed, He had woken up while the t-rex's head was ripped off.

They all got out of the plane, but the two pilots were still in the plane. "Alan, what about Joe and Bob?" asked Kelly. "Ah, leave them die." Said Alan. He walked away and sat on a bench. Bobathan sat next to him, and began stroking Alan's leg. AHHHHHHHHHHHH! Screamed Alan. He hit Bobathan and ran to Indy.

"Where the heck are we?..." asked Indy. "We're on an island..With dinosaurs." Said Alan. Indy screamed for five minutes straight. Then, Indy collapsed from screaming too much… They moved out, with Alan carrying Indy.

Sorry for the extremely short chapter.


	3. Singing Dinos and rocks

I'm back from five minutes ago…

The group walked through the forest, Bobathan at the lead. "I can now show you my fligoojinglebooper." Said Bobathan. "Okay…" said Alan. Then, a spinosaur walked up to them. "Uh-Oh…" Said Lex. "Run." Said Alan out of the corner of his mouth. Then, the spinosaur began to sing Stayin' Alive by the Bee Gees… "Well you can tell by the way I use my walk I'm a woman's man; no time to talk. Music loud and women warm, I've been kicked around since I was born. Ah-ha-ha-ha Stayin' Alive, Stayin' Alive." Sang the spinosaur. Bobathan ran to his fligoojinglebooper. The group did too. "Here it is…" Hammond said with wide eyes. He revealed… a rock. " WHAT!" screamed Alan. This woke Indy up. "The British are coming, the British are coming!" Screamed Indy. "All bow down to the FLIGOOJINGLEBOOPER!" screamed Bobathan. Everyone stared. They walked away, and then, the raptors surrounded them. "Oh, no." Said Alan. "What the heck are those?..." Asked Indy. "Let's just call them, ah, six foot turkeys." Said Ian Malcolm. Then, the raptors went in a line. There were four of them. Alan realized that had striped vests on. "O-ho the Wells Fargo Wagon is a-comin' down the street,  
Oh please let it be for me!  
O-ho the Wells Fargo Wagon is a-comin' down the street,  
I wish, I wish I knew what it could be!" Sang the raptors. Alan puzzled. The group ran.


	4. Raining boys and baseball playing dinos

Muahaha. This might be the most confusing chapter.

They ran from the singing raptors. It was dark and cloudy, they knew it was about to rain. The hid in a cave. Then, a curious raptor was looking around by the cave. Then, a person fell from the sky, onto the raptor. "Howdy there…" He walked into the cave. "I'm Steven, How ya'll doin?" They all stared. A kid named Steven fell from the sky. Then, a raptor ran into the cave, and slashed Steven open. The group ran. "Bye ya'll!" said Steven. "Come on, into this jeep!" said Alan. They all piled in. It was quote crammed. "PUT THE PEDAL TO DA METAL!" screamed Ian. "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Tim as they sped 95 miles an hour. They drove into a giant baseball stadium. A T-rex was standing there. He picked up the car, and threw it. "WHEEEEEEEEE!" screamed Bobathan. Then, they got hit by a bat, and flew out of the stadium, onto A cliff, fell off the cliff, onto a tree, off the tree, into a hole, down the hole, into an underground lake. "Greaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat."


	5. Return of the raptor

Back again…SOMEONE R&R!

In the underground lake, water was rushing into the vehicle. "Gah!" Said Ian. "Yay!" Screamed Bobathan. The kids sat there, thinking the adults were immature. "I need to get this car out of here." Said Alan. He slammed his foot onto the gas pedal, and sped. He forgot to put the car in reverse. "Whoopsie." Said Alan. He put the car in reverse and they zoomed backwards. Out of the hole, onto the tree, onto the cliff, into the baseball stadium, back to the Velociraptor quartet. "Somewhere beyond the sea,  
Somewhere, waiting for me,  
My lover stands on golden sands  
And watches the ships that go sailing;"

"Gah!" said Alan. "Whoah, Whoah, wait," said Ian." Singing raptors?"


	6. Jewels of doom and dead people

Ah, After recovering from a serious form of writers block, I am back!

Lex screamed. She was covering her eyes. Alan ran up to Lex. "Lex, what's the matter!" "IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSS!" "What burns? " asked Alan. "The vests of the quartet! They're red and white stripes, It burns my eyes!" Yell-responded Lex. "Run everyone! They seem to have blinding ests! Run for your eyesight!" Said Alan. He left Lex there to die. "Hey! Look! These vests worked for once!" Remarked a raptor. They all took off their vests and jumped on Lex.

With Alan and the rest, they were heading toward the beach, Just like in Jurassic Park three. Billy wandered off and collected raptor eggs.

After the raptors finished Lex, the force told them that their eggs were stolen. "There is a disturbance in the force…" Said a small green raptor, he looked almost like a compy. All three Raptors pulled out purple lightsabers and tried to turn them on. They couldn't, since their arms were extremely flimsy. So, instead they used the old fashioned way. Claws and teeth.

"Yay , raptor eggs!" Screamed Billy as he pranced around with Bobathan. "Will you two stop prancing around about nothing!" asked Alan. "He has Hershey wrapper eggs!" Screamed Bobathan. "Hershey Wrapper eggs?" asked Alan. He then noticed _Raptor eggs_, not Hershey Wrapper eggs. Alan jumped. Billy Jumped. The raptors jumped. A man in California jumped. Indy jumped. They all jumped for the eggs, but the man in California was hit by a car. The raptors cut Billy, and hit Indy. Then, so I can make this story more Indiana-Jonesish, Indy mentioned a Jewel of doom. So, they went to a temple near the beach. Two spinosaur statues were guarding it. Then, at the center of the temple, was the Jewel of doom. Only people with Jones in their last name could touch it and not die. So, first, Alan stepped onto a big stone and an arrow hit his leg. "Ow.." said Alan. Then, Tim got hit in the neck by an arrow and died, while Indy dodged them all. "You're in good shape for your age." Declared Alan. They finally reached the jewel of doom, and Indy got it. Then, they jumped out of the tower, and got on the beach. Waiting for them, was the army.


	7. The end and Poseidon and even rocks!

Back again. Buahaha

They all got into army boats… They sailed, and sailed, and sailed. They all of a sudden got sunken by a spinosaur. "Oops." Remarked the militaristic boat driver. So, they were stranded on a rock…With quite a few angry compys. So, they bit johns leg off, and ripped Arby's hair off, and Kelly tried to swim away but got eaten by the spinosaur. Alan and Bobathan were the only four left…Uh, I mean two. Anyway, they waited for a helicopter to pick them up. Then, they landed them on a cruise ship called the Poseidon. So, then the boat got hit by a rouge wave, and Bobathan turned into Richard Dreyfus ( I can't remember the character name ) and Alan turned into that army dude who is the main character. So, then they escaped off the boat, and got rescued by a helicopter again. They finally returned home… And hoped that I will give them a new adventure… after my serious story I am planning.


	8. Credits

Indiana Jones, Jurassic Park Mix, credits.

All credit goes to…

_**ME!**_

Fine, fine, fine. Maybe some people helped me. Oh yes.. this person helped me…

_**ME!**_

Don't forget

_**ME!**_

Or

_**ME!**_

Or

_**ME!**_

Indiana Jones, JP mix episode II is OUT!


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